I want a little feedback on the opening to my story. It is about a young celebrity (Greyson Belle Winters) and her struggles to stay with all the pressure on them normally. Think of it as a novel, much like the books in the “Secrets of My Hollywood Life” series. Please note, begins this story with a TeenHollywood. com article that the relationship between Jake & Greyson brings, but it’s not even below .***” Greyson? Greyson. Greyson Belle Winters, look up and out, the iPhone is stupid of you, and listen to me, “My mother complained, gave me her best smile Blick.Ich bad move and take a sip of my citrus-infused water. “Sorry. I’ve read that Teen Hollywood interview. What do you say?” Jake laughs. My mother sighs. “I said, Kate, Penelope, and Elsie should be here any minute. Now turn off the gadget before I smashed it with my Gucci.” I take them seriously. Your brand new snake skin tote weighs nearly twelve pounds. I have no idea what they hält.Gerade there then, Jake’s mom storms of Cut & Peel’s kitchen door with a tray of food, dressed in their usual printed baby tee and destroyed jeans. Jake kisses on his head and sits down. Baby greens, hiziki, cherry and salad with a dressing Miso addition of an organic rosemary roasted pork, “Elsie said, as she puts the dishes,” I have twenty minutes. Where Kate and Penelope are? “Our agent-publicist Duo is surprising late. I can not remember it ever too late. Actually, I do not remember you to go anywhere without being chased by the paparazzi. “You’re late.” So while we wait, I’ll be in the bathroom. “Cut & Peel is in a lush garden in Santa Monica, Elsie and want it otherwise. It is open and airy with glass walls, bamboo furniture, sparkling waterfalls, and everywhere. I wave and say hello, a few people that I know how I make my way through the seven thousand square meters large spacious room to the quiet bath. No one is here except for the bathroom attendant. I regloss my lips and turn sideways to get a good look at myself in the mirror to yourself. “Greyson Belle winter. What jokes for a surprise,” a smooth, sarcastic voice behind me. I whip around, the tie dyed my Sass and Bide skirt chiffon dress spun around me. It is Freesia Macintyre, other well-known teen queen. Did I mention that she hates me since I took it to number one hottest starlets Teen Vogue’s list last year? It is a shame because they used really well for me and everyone for something. She is transformed into the classic Hollywood bad girl now. “Oh. Freesia Hello. What’s up?” I try to be polite. She grins and pulls her hair up in a high ponytail. She turns the mirror face. “Not much,” she begins, which tells me it is something great. “I’m here on a commercial meeting. About Jack Holton’s new fantasy film.” I take them inside diss. You know, Jack is one of the best directors Hollywood one – that someone would die to work with it, especially me. I have a weakness for fantasy films. “That’s great, Free.” “Oh shut, up,” She turns on the four-inch Jimmy Choo wedges into my face. “Stop the act fake friend. And do not call me free.” I take a step back, now completely confused. “Well, excuse me for trying to be polite,” I say, looking at her smile. Why I’m only five foot two be? “I tried to be the bigger person.” She rolls her eyes as I head for the door, tipping the guy who put on their headphones must likely to drown her. “By the way, I think your outfit proves why I was the number one Teen Vogue list!” I giggled a little when I walk away, although I feel a little bad. But, hey, it brought to Jack Holton, “Greyson Hi, girls!” Walking Penelope. She is definitely the more hyper than half of the Walsh sisters. She gets up to give me a kiss on the cheek, while Kate just sits there typing on her BlackBerry. She looks a moment later, smiling at me. “Sorry ’bout know that Greyson Hello, hello Jake. What is life?” “I just had a run-in with the flower witch in the bathroom, though not well.” “What?” Where is it? “Jake jokes turned in the space to search. When six minutes earlier, he loves the older brother to take over the role and to protect myself. I never really need the help, but since he is my best friend I cut it too locker.Ich sigh. “It’s across the room, Holton held court with the man.” My team does in their seats to look around. You spot Maria Andersen, Jack’s personal assistant in the balcony dining area, along with some employees from Emag pictures speak vividly with Freesia party. Kate smells down a folder full of potential deals and rises with an evil gleam in their eyes. “I’ll be back.” We see them their way up the stairs and starts talking to the Gruppe.Während everyone is trying to read my lips sneaky agent, I read about what is behind Kate. There are many offers for me now – more than most peopl
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Nice! This is interesting, so keep going!
No, no, no! Every sentence starts with i, she, or he! Besides, there’s no rhythm in your writing.
It’s not my taste. But, looking at from critical perspective I say it has great potential. The descriptionse were sound. You had a firm grasp of the story, guiding the reader where you wanted to. Great job, keep writing. 9/10
Awesome! if it was a book i’d totally read it. You know, its sounds a lot like a Candy Apple book!
ha ha! you’d be a good writer. i could keep up with nicely!
started off good but got really confusing keep working at it